Thursday, November 18, 2010

It's Time for a Change. Apparently.

It was an accident. Kind of. I mean, I've always had it in the back of my mind to go brunette, just to see how it would look.
 
And the other day, I was just sitting there. Insane from all the notes that surrounded me. Studying for hours and hours and days and days, enough to drive me...
Brunette.
 
As I said, I was out of it. Insane from studying. Not thinking straight. No mind set at all. Carefree. Tired. Upset. I got up from my mound of books, marched into the living room, and demanded Anne color my hair. Right NOW.
 
"Let's go to the store Anne. We need to get some hair color."
 
"What are you doing Anne? We need to dye my hair. Come on Anne. This opportunity only comes every 3rd exam Anne. Don't just sit there! We've got to do something other than study!"
 
And then, I woke up the next morning.

And I was brunette.
OMG. shocker.
 
I think I was a little afraid of the mirror.
I had no idea who that was in there. It wasn't me. It was, Crystal, or Patti, or that Witch I dressed up as for Halloween in 5th grade.

(I even have the occasional blonde strip here and there in my hair now. Because some pieces refused to change color.)

And at first it was kind of cool. Different. New. Fun. But after a while, it got old. Like, okay, I'm ready for my blonde hair back.

I mean, I've always been blonde! I don't know how people do it. Color their hair all different colors all the time. I feel like my blonde hair defined me, sort of like my truck.
Blonde hair. Green truck. Marj.
 
But I guess my hair and I bonded, because now I'm back to liking it. I no longer see myself as a Witch, but continue to find different things I love about it. Such as, my hair matches my favorite Coach purse now. If there is nothing else you read in the blog, please read that sentence, and understand how incredibly happy that truly makes me.

Friday, November 5, 2010

It's not my time, I don't mind.

I felt like I was waiting in line for a ride. I was 4'5, and when I finally got to the front they told me I had to be 4'6 to get on.
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Have you ever felt like that? Like you've waited and waited for so long just for this one moment, and when you finally think it's your time, BAM! It's not.

So I stood there. Closed my little eyes, stretched all my muscles in my body, & prayed to God He would let me grow.
"Now God!! I'm ready!! It's just an INCH God, that is all I need! I TRUST in You, I KNOW you can make me grow an inch right this second if You wanted to! Come ON God!!"

I tried to grow, in that moment. Because I thought I was ready.
The thing is, you can't force growth. Physical, spiritual, or mental growth... It all comes in time.

Ecclesiastes 1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
But that is how I felt when I finally got to college.
"Alright God, I'm ready to grow!!"
"I'm here to be the woman you want me to be. I'm here to find the man you want me to meet. Figure out the road you want to lead me down. I've waited so long, God, I'm ready to go."

I just thought once I got to college, it would become clear. I would know where I'm supposed to be and grow into the person needed for that position. So imagine my disappointment when it didn't happen. Like a kid, who just found out she isn't tall enough to ride the ride she's been waiting in line for. Like a kid who feels like she's never going to be big enough. And it has her wondering, "Why am I even at this theme park?"

Truth is, I'M NOT the person that most offices in the Sport & Entertainment business would hire. I have no idea where I want to be in the business and to be honest I don't really care. I'm not there yet. It just isn't my time.
If we were all 100% on our own, where would God be in our lives? If we were the person we wanted to be, then we wouldn't need God.
So for now, I'm ok being here, trusting God will one day get me there.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Hey, It's Ok Wednesday

I was reading a blog I follow, Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock at a Time and she gave me the idea to do this. She got the idea from Glamour Magazine where they list a lot of things to be ok about. At first, I wasn't going to steal her idea. But then I realized just how crappy today has been and I thought maybe, just maybe this can help me feel... ok.
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Hey! It's ok...

to eat a rice krispies treat and cookie for breakfast the week after Halloween.

to completely forget to do your homework.. two days in a row.

to skip class. I mean as long as you're passing, right?

to have absolutely no idea where you are headed or what you want to do with your with life. I mean why should you have to decide? It's a stupid idea to have to pick one career for your entire life. 5 years from now I know for a fact I will not want to do what I want to do now. I change my mind like I change my underwear. Every 5 years.

to have snowmen & a christmas tree decorating your house while your freshly carved pumpkin sits on your counter.

to have a hole in your sock.

to have been working on laundry for 4 days and still not have any pants to wear. Ellen once tweeted "Donde esta my pants?" If Ellen doesn't need pants, then I don't need pants.