Thursday, October 15, 2015

Drying the Tears - A Poem for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month as a way to recognize the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other similar causes.

Since then, Robyn Bear has proclaimed October 15th to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day so that we have a single day to reach out to those grieving, a day for all grieving parents to come together and reflect on the loss yet embrace the love. While our babies' lives were so brief, they were also very meaningful. Yet, there was not a time to talk about them. Our society seemed to forget or perhaps didn't know how to reach out.

For Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day we hope that you take a moment to reach out to someone who you know is grieving, or share an article or image you think could help someone feel like the world cares and they're not alone. We ask everyone in all times zones, worldwide, join us in a candle lighting ceremony at 7pm on October 15th.

---  Drying the Tears: A Poem for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day ---

Here I am alone, wondering what it would be like
to be watching a show, and then hear you cry.

Would I be the kind of mommy that smiles at every sound,
or would I be so tired that I fall to the ground?

Would I appreciate your life the way that you deserve?
Would I listen to your cries, and make you feel heard?

Would you throw your toys, then look at me and smile?
Would you give me big hugs just because it's been a while?

Would you make a big mess and let me teach you to clean?
Would you bite your cousin's arm? Would you be naughty and mean?

Would I have loved you the way that I'm able to now?
Would you have a happy life? Could we make it, somehow?

Would we sing the same songs and laugh at life together?
I can't help but think that life would be so much better.

As I'm holding back tears, I look up to the skies,
and smile when I feel you drying mommy's eyes.

Not a single tear's fallen and I know that you're here
with me every day, drying the tears.

Resources for Pregnancy and Infant Loss:
What I Wish I Knew Before I Delivered My Stillborn Son
For the Mamas Who Lost Their Babies: You are still a Mother
What I Mean When I Say My Daughter Was Stillborn
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Facebook Group
October 15th


Thursday, September 10, 2015

Christianity to Blame for Duggar Scandal?

If you haven't read this Facebook post that got national attention by news outlets you may want to read it first because it is what inspired my thoughts:

Over the past few weeks my heart has felt heavy for the Duggar family. Especially for Josh Duggar's wife Anna, who many women have labeled as weak since she decided to stay with her husband who was found to have an Ashley Madison account. This, just months after the world found out he sexually assaulted 5 young girls at the age of 15. (Months after the world found out, not Anna. She knew of this 2 years before they got engaged).

Please note that I fully disagree with Josh Duggar's actions and believe he has shown himself to be a disgusting excuse for a husband and older brother by his actions throughout his life. This post is not defending him or his actions in ANY way.

But when did it become okay for us women to turn against one another in a time like this?

Why on earth would someone think its okay to write a long post condemning Anna and how she was raised because she has decided to stick to her vows of "for better or worse, in sickness and health, 'til death do us part?"

You think that staying with her husband after this makes her weak? I think a weak woman would RUN! I know I would.

She has a family there to support her. You think she feels like she has to stay with Josh because she can't work? Because she has nowhere to go? Because of her religion?
God never created the institution of divorce, man did.  But 1 Corinthians 7:15-17 and Matthew 19:7-9 indicate there are a couple of circumstances in which God releases a couple from the lifelong covenant of marriage: (Read more here)
  • In the case of consistent, unrepentant immorality
  • When an unbelieving spouse deserts a believer.

Her parents would let her back into their home in a heartbeat if she decided to divorce him.

This is the 21st century. Working moms with no degree are everywhere. Moms going through divorce and earning a degree simultaneously are not hard to find.

In America, divorce is the easiest road to take when you feel betrayed by your spouse. Staying is the hard road.

I think that because they have made their faith known, and actually stood up for what they believe in over the years, this family has become such an easy target.

Every Christian found on Ashley Madison has become the easiest and main targets. But what about those who don't talk about their faith publicly? They basically get away with it.

And what about the wives of those guys? The ones who choose to stay with them anyway? What's their problem in your eyes? They don't have the strong, public, Christian background for you to blame.

When I heard that Reality TV star Snooki - Nicole Polizzi's husband was found to have an Ashley Madison account, I was a little shocked. But most of that shock was the fact that it wasn't in the title of any headlines on my news feed like the others. It was casually slipped into some article about Snooki's fashion.

You know what else was casually slipped in there? The fact that she is staying with him and still says he is a good man.


I mean, come on.

Christians are such an easy target for hypocrisy.

Just because this guy doesn't preach the word of God makes it okay that he's betrayed his wife? He tells her he loves her, convinces her rumors that he's flirting with other women are lies, walks around pretending to be a stand up guy, but because he doesn't speak about his faith publicly, no one cares that he's got an Ashley Madison account. Or I should say, the general public doesn't care enough to make his story viral.

And nobody cares that she's staying with him and supporting him after? Nobody's telling her to "Breathe FIRE!" Why? Because you don't have something like Christianity to blame? There's no religion involved to use against her and make her sound weak? She made her own, adult decision to stay by her husband and forgive him. But because Anna was raised with such traditional Christian values and is now a traditional wife, she must only be staying with him because she doesn't know any better.

How anti-feminist of an idea!

Now we can't have tradition in our family values and have our own minds?

We can't be a stay at home mom and make our own decisions?

We can't make a vow and be applauded for sticking to it when things don't go as planned?

We can't claim to be a Christian, and then actually practice forgiveness, love and understanding?

You can't win for losing in this world. You can't make anyone happy. And so I say to you, please, please stop judging the people around you and keep your negative comments and rude, inaccurate labels to yourself.

This Breathe Fire movement is no feminist movement, at all. It is really just spreading this anti-feminist idea that Christian women, traditional women, and stay at home moms are incapable of making their own decisions. It's convincing women that we will be looked at as weak should we decide to give our "life partner" a second chance.

And as for raising your kids to breathe fire?
Raise your kids to be good human beings. Raise them to not be afraid of what others think and say, as long as they follow their convictions. Raise them to make promises and keep them. Raise them to believe in something, and stand up for it, despite what may happen if they make a mistake. Raise them to know right from wrong, to have understanding and sympathy, to be able to forgive, and most importantly to love others more than they love themselves.

Christianity did not do this. Human nature and the lack of self control did this.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Braden's Letter: Mommy Please Don't Cry

Mommy please don't cry, I see you down below,
I know you wonder why, you had to see me go.
But Mommy, I love it here, and I know you'll love it too,
The angels take good care of me, & they'll take care of you.
I know you miss me bad, I know that it's been hard,
But Mommy don't be sad, that we're so far apart.
One day you will see me, and you'll get to hold my hand.
When the time is right we'll meet, I hope you understand.
It's been explained to me, by an Angel at the gate.
She helped me to see, why I shouldn't be afraid.
I can't tell you why, but one day you will see,
That we are truly blessed, and you'll be happy.
There's a reason I'm here, and not with you.
Believe that I am happy, and want you to be too.
I don't like to see you cry, although you think I do.
I can't wait until we meet, mommy, I love you.