Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Our White-ish Christmas.



Twas the night after Christmas,
and all through the house,
every creature was stirring,
from human to mouse.

The stockings were empty and lay on the floor,
For Dear old St. Nick visited the night before.
The children were jumping and shouting all night,
While parents would check weather.com in fright.


And mama in her jamies, and I in my coat,
were ready for Santa to bring us some snow.

When out on the lawn there began a white fall,
I ran out the door, slipper's and all.



The very next morning we flew like a flash,
Tore open the Busbee's and tossed them a sash.
The sun on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Had me shout through the house, "Hey yall, let's go!"


When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the hood of a car, hooked to a Toyota's rear.
With a little old driver, so lively and thug,
I knew in a moment it must be Mr. Doug.

More rapid than hound dogs he surely came,
And he whistled and shouted and called us by name;
"Now, Brielle! Now, Ethan! Now Marj and Bryson!
On, Eva! On Patti! On Robby and Grayson!
To the big open field! To the end of the wood!
Now don't be afraid! Hop on the hood!"




Saturday, December 25, 2010

Where are you Christmas?

Dear Santa:

It's getting late and you still haven't made it to my house... I'm getting worried.
Please don't skip our house because we don't have a tree up. You can leave my presents on the couch. Or there's a little plant in the living room (opposite side of the fire place). If it makes you happy, you can place my presents under it.

I'm sorry for the lack of decorations this year. And the lack of cookies. I swear we are Christmas lovers. I just don't know what happened, the decorations never made it out of the attic.

It really hasn't felt like Christmas this year, with the warm weather and the missing holiday decorations. I know - who goes to the gulf on Christmas?? But Santa, it's where my family is. We're trying to make this work. I'm starting to think the grinch stole Christmas. It's scaring me.
This is not ok, Santa.
Please, oh please, bring me my Christmas.

PS. Sorry about the hot ashes in the fireplace. I lost track of time tonight.

Monday, December 20, 2010

So I failed.

I am not a good waitress. I SUCKED as a waitress.

I’ve never waited tables before, and they kind of just threw me to the wolves here. I basically taught myself everything I knew by asking people questions
- because nobody ever bothered to teach me.
Story of my life though.

I knew I sucked all along, but as in everything I do,
I knew I could get better.
The problem arose when I realized it was taking me much longer than most people. When I became convinced I was a problem to the restaurant, and it would be better for me to just leave.

This... ‘revelation’ if you will, came to me when the lady who hired me began suggesting other jobs where I’d “make more money.”
“Working at a grocery store, or in the mall; the CVS or Publix…”
I wanted to say, “So what your saying is.. I suck.”

But no, I stood there and took it like a man.

I told her I knew this was coming and that I had already started looking for jobs elsewhere. (which wasn't a complete lie. I had applied to Toys-R-Us, but they were quick to shut me down via e-mail saying that according to my résumé I’m not what they are looking for.)

So at this point I was just feeling thrilled with myself. Full of positive feedback SURE of my success.
not.

So anyway, she wasn’t firing me, but she sure was pushing me towards the door.
So I did what any red blooded American would do. I sued.
no just kidding - I quit.

And my LAST WEEK THERE one of the girls decides it’s time to start helping me be a better waitress. Like, really? Four months after I started. Two days before I quit. And you think now is the right time?


She came up to me and said, “We need to talk.” She took me to a table, “So I know we don’t get to work together a lot, but when we do, it looks to me like you could use some help.”
I was like, uh, yeah.

She said, “I think you could be a great waitress. When people tell you what to do, you do it fast and you do it good. But the problem comes when people don’t tell you what to do.”
“Correct.” I said. “Because I don’t know what to do.”

As the day went on she continued helping me until I was doing "great" on my own. And even though it was almost my last day and I knew I had no future there, the fact that this girl had faith in me and was willing to help me was inspiring.

It seems like all my life I have been fighting for people to accept my failures by saying:
“OKAY I’m not good at this, who cares.”
or “We can’t all be good at this!”
And rather than have them encourage me to succeed, I’d always prefer they simply sit by and encourage me to move on.
“Don’t worry, you can’t be good at everything."
"There’s plenty of other things out there you are great at.”

But then I realized how wrong that is. We need people in our lives to be hard on us, to encourage us to stick with things. People who are willing to say, “No, you can do this!” - and if you’re lucky, someone who is also willing to help you.

After realizing this, unfortunately I became upset that I quit. I wanted to take it back and continue trying. I don’t really quit a lot of things - no matter how bad I am.

But I read this quote:
“Do the one thing you think you cannot do.
Fail at it. Try again.
Do better the second time.
The only people who never tumble
are those who never mount the high wire.
This is your moment. Own it.” -Oprah

It helped me get over my failure. My failure, you should know, is not that I didn’t succeed as a waitress, it's that I quit my job.
I can't stand the fact that I gave up. By giving up, we hold ourselves back. But this quote reminds me that I can still try again.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Oh, the power of the wii

So I'm sitting here, cuddled up in my cozy freezing cold bed, with blankets up to my neck because my heat unit is not blowing warm air, but yet, cold air. Imagine that.
So it's freezing in here man!
My sister Patti and my niece just left, I don't blame them. If I were clean, I would have left too. But it's too cold to take a shower. SO, I'm hiding from the world in my cave-like room.
------------

But while they were here, we had a good ol' time playing Super Mario Bros 3 on the wii.

Have you ever tried to play that game with a 5 year old?

It was like a time-machine and we were both 10 years younger. I swear, between the "OOH let me try!" and the "NO! Watch out! ..UGH!" it was very difficult to feel like an adult.

And my niece, my poor niece, she tried and she tried, but when it comes to Mario we've got over a decade on her. Every time she would try to beat a level, she would end up falling off the cliff or getting hit by some sort of animal. So her mama and I would be sitting there, "Watch out!! Yeah, that turtle will kill you," and "NO girl! Jump over that cliff!" "If you fall down the cliff you're going to die. Just like real life."

It was hard for us to restrain ourselves and act like the adults in the room. I don't know what came over me - reaching for the controller, throwing things when I lost, getting mad at others when they lost because I just know I would have done better.

And finally we made it our goal to get to the castle. My niece really wanted to get to the castle. But there was one level immediately before the castle that we just couldn't beat! It was like a maze with several paths to go down, but you had to break a brick wall to get there.

So we would pick up the turtle and hit the brick wall, but when we were lucky enough to survive the ricochet of the turtle, we would go on to find out that we went the wrong way. And we would either somehow run out of time, or die.

We were getting serious about this. Soon my niece took the controller from my sister and gave it to me as she gave her mommy a I'm-disappointed-in-you look.

By bed-time we beat the level and headed into the castle.
Mission Complete.
And yet, when I woke up this morning, they were at it again. World 1 Level 1, my niece, my sister, and now her fiance had even come over to help out.

What is it about these games that make us so crazy?

Saturday, December 11, 2010

It's the moon, or the stars. It's the


Butterflies

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I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the cold weather; maybe it's the early nights, the open sky or just my lil ol' lonely heart; but winter always seem to bring out single-itis.
That disease where you are just sick of being single!

But I guess this year, it's not just that I'm single. I can handle being single. In fact, it's rare that I'm not single. It's the fact that I don't even have any prospects!

I usually at least have that good guy prospect. A guy to talk to, hang out with, keep warm with.. You know, that guy you're not in a relationship with, but definitely hope things progress with.
Usually for me, he's the same guy things do not progress with because he wears down my nerves in 3 weeks.

So it's not the relationship I miss.

It's the butterflies.

You know the feeling: When your heart starts jumping, your stomach gets a little tickled - starts knotting up, and your mind gets all clouded. I'm talking about those good old butterfly flitters you feel, when everything you want is staring you in the eye.


I know you know the feeling. You have to know the feeling. It's probably the one feeling you can pull from the past and remember so well.

I sure do. It is probably the only feeling that when I think about, I can pinpoint the exact spot I stood, the exact people involved, the exact outfit I was wearing when I felt them.


Like those nights we sat on my tailgate talking underneath starry the night sky. I know it sounds so corny but when it happened, I felt like I was in a movie. I can remember it all so perfectly; What I was wearing, how our conversations went and exactly how good it felt to be there with him.

The times I didn't know what he was thinking - when I thought about everything I said and did just to make sure I didn't do anything wrong. When he looked me in the eyes, took me by the hand or just held me close.


It doesn't take a relationship to get the butterflies, it could be a guy you're in to, or just somebody you really care about. I'd even get the butterflies playing sports. When the people I loved the most were in the stands watching me. When it was 24-23 and the volleyball was set to me. Or when the bases were loaded and I was at bat on the softball field.

When I think about the past and remember the moments I got the butterflies, they were some great moments! So great that they're easy to remember, and hard to forget.

I got the butterflies a lot when I was younger. But I don't get them anymore.
And that is what's upsetting.


Anyway, it's not something I think about a lot. But tonight was just one of those nights I guess.




Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I like to move it move it.

Alright. It’s 1:15.
In the afternoon.



What have I done today?
What have I done today?
Do you really want to go there??


Nothing.
Ha! I have done absolutely nothing today. I have 3 more exams this week I need to study for. I have hours upon hours of free time to study for them. And yet, I’m going to end up pulling all-nighters for all of them.

Why do I do this to myself, you ask? Well, I don’t know?Why do mice eat cheese even though it’s in a trap? Why do monkeys scratch their butts? Why do the gorillas at the zoo just sit there and refuse to put on a performance for the paying spectators?


No, seriously, why do gorillas at the zoo just sit there and refuse to put on a performance for the paying spectators?

My friend and I visited the zoo the other day for the first time in areally, long time. I don’t know if you know where the best zoo in America is, but it’s actually right here in Columbia, South Carolina. RiverBanksZoo <- check it out. It's amazing.


But look at this Gorilla and tell me he doesn't look like the most pitiful creature in the world.

He looks like he ain't got no frands! But then, if you'll notice in the top right corner, he, in fact, does have a friend. So I can't help but wonder, What is his deal??



Maybe he's a little disappointed about being locked up in a zoo.
Maybe he's missing his family he had to leave behind in Africa.
Or maybe, poor guy, he's just having one of those days.

I mean, how many times have I had one of those days and just wanted to sit there and do nothing but pout? Well, today, actually is one of those days. So was yesterday... and probably tomorrow will be too. Hey! give me a break, it's exam week.




Maybe he's sitting there contemplating his escape.

But you know what I think?
I think somebody needs to watch Madagascar with these animals. Show them just how good they've got it! I mean look at this kangaroo, all chill over there without a care in the world.

These animals get fed, watered, groomed, photographed; It's not a bad deal.
What I would give to be this kangaroo...
I mean look at my poor friend Kasci over here.
She would give anything to be in the zoo. Here she is trying to be like the animals behind her.
Can you guess, just what animal that is? Take a closer look to the background. That, my friend, is her impression of an elephant.

But I feel like these animals are just wasting their life away. They are focusing on the sadness of losing their families, getting locked up in a zoo, or only having one friend. They don't realize their importance. They don't realize their power.

They could wake up every morning, stand on two legs, do a little jig and make the whole world smile. But most of them just sit there, look sad, and sleep.
It's a shame.

------------------


Oh man. So maybe I'm being a little hypocritical here. I guess I'm more like the zoo animals than I thought: Focusing on the sadness of losing my family, getting locked up in a zoo [college], or only having one friend.
Not realizing my importance... Not realizing my power.
I mean, I actually have to feed and groom myself... unfortunately

but I too get photographed, and looked at, and could wake up every morning, do a little jig and make the whole world smile.
And yet, I just sit here, look sad, and sleep.
Maybe we all could learn a lesson from Madagascar, and move it move it a lil more.

2nd grade boyfriends & the lasting love of girlfriends

In second grade, I got my first real boyfriend. I’ll never forget how it felt to have the cutest boy in my class want to be called my boyfriend.
----------
His name was Michael. He wasn’t just the cutest boy in my class; he was the cutest boy in second grade. He told me how much he liked me and that he wanted to be my boyfriend.
“But your Jessie’s boyfriend,” I told him.
“Well I’m gonna dump her,” he assured me. I smiled and ran to tell my best friend Jessica.


But we were all kind of friends in the second grade. I mean when it came down to it, we all played together on the playground, and we all went to each other’s birthday parties - that’s what a friend was in second grade.

It all went down when Michael dumped Jessie in class one day.

I remember they were standing in line to wash their hands at the classroom sink, and I saw him tap her on the shoulder. I’ll never forget the look she gave me. It was one of those mature, hand on the hip, head-bobbing-evil-eye looks that a second grader should not know how to give. After that, I had no girl friends in second grade. Jessie turned all the girls against me. It was just me and Michael against the world.

Michael and I became best friends. We would climb trees, swim, and jump on the trampoline together. It was true love.
He was even my first kiss (that wasn't initiated by my parents). But as time went on, we started drifting a part.


This was one of my birthday parties, 3rd or 4th grade. Michael is on the left in his blue shirt, I'm on the right in my pink shorts. We had a lot in common - style, obviously being one.
I think it all finally ended in 5th grade. I didn’t have a birthday party that summer, so when school came back around, Michael ignored me thinking I didn't invite him to my birthday party. And he even went so low as to not invite me to his birthday party. It. Felt. Terrible.
So in fifth grade I was a chubby little girl with a broken heart, surrounded by the same girls I left for a guy in second grade. Luckily, they were there for me. We became best friends and grew to have our own little clique that every girl in the fifth grade tried desperately to join. But we were selective. We got in fights, and barely stayed in touch over the summer, but every year it was like a new beginning with these girls. Instead of them just ignoring me at the beginning of each year like Michael did, they gave me excited hugs and told me all about their summer.
We were friends until high school, when I had to switch schools and towns. Just as it had always been, we didn’t keep in touch. New school, New beginning, No cell phone. I made whole new friends. But the philosophy I learned during my time at that school stayed with me through high school. And that philosophy is this:
When you form a bond with a guy, it can be broken. With unspoken words, wrongful actions or constant arguments, somebody will turn away from the bond. But when two girls bond as friends, it is next to impossible to break that bond. Unspoken words tend to be heard, wrongful actions are greeted with forgiveness, and constant arguments are forgotten, as the bond just grows stronger.
This is why I surround myself with friends and I'm not too keen on relationships. I learned early not to leave your friends for some guy. So now there is no more wondering where my pessimistic viewpoint on relationships came from. Second grade. lol It is amazing what an effect a girls childhood will have on the rest of her life.